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A Proposal for Gay Jokes

I’m going to preface this post because it’s probably going to get me in some shit. Here we go: If you’re uptight or don’t have a sense of humor, you should stop reading right now. If you have delicate sensibilities or are easily offended, please move along. I’m going to say some things you don’t like and, honestly, I don’t care.

Anyone else miss gay jokes? Not jokes making fun of gay people, but jokes making fun of gay shit.

That’s why the world is in a mess now: Gay jokes. They’re not allowed any more and that’s the problem. I don’t mean making fun of the Gay community. When I was a kid back in the 80s and made a Gay joke, I didn’t know what gay or straight was, didn’t know people cared one way or the other. Still don’t. Guy wants to have sex with a guy? Do it. Girl wants to marry a girl – I’d advise anyone against marriage, but a lesbian has the same right to be as unhappy and as miserable as a straight person. None of that came into play with a Gay joke. What it did was give us a universal comedy point of reference in the 80s.

Superman the movie was cool. Superman 4 was gay.

Pressure by Mercury/Bowie was cool. Ice, Ice, Baby was gay.

The Atari 2600 was cool. The Intellivision was gay.

Michael Jackson was cool. Dressing like Michael Jackson as a 12 year old white kid in Hawaii was gay. And also ill-advised, but I’m not prepared to discuss that period of my life right now.

People in general were better – everyone was pushing for social change, and there was a ton of it, but we all still had a sense of humor. Somewhere around the turn of the century, that all went away. People became uptight and politically correct to the point of ridiculousness. Now you can’t make fun of anything without insulting someone and you’re not allowed to think in a different manner than the crowd – here I thought that was the point of comedy: to make you think…and to insult people. Comedy, and society itself, has become impotent.

Well, I’m here to give us back that hard on.

I am Greek – and proud of it. Amazing culture, goes back thousands of years. Invented democracy, philosophy, higher mathematics…anal sex…Windex (fuck that movie!). We’re like the Italians but with a sense of humor. I propose that we, the Greek people, take up the burden of the Gay joke. We can handle it…also, a little extra PR for us wouldn’t hurt. It’ll get us back into the joke spotlight, a place we deserve to be in. Even better, we’re off-white, which gives rednecks someone to hate besides Latinos or African-Americans. We’re the Mexicans of Europe.

Gay men, stand up, pull your pants up and let us take that comedy dick in the ass for a while. We remember how to relax and to breathe, and, if it gets rough, olive oil is a great lube.

No longer will you have to refrain from mocking your best friend because he cried at the Notebook. Now you can refer to him safely as Greek. No longer will that stock of ‘You know how I know you’re gay’ insults go unused. Dust off all your dick sucking and ass fucking jokes, because we, the Greek people, can handle them. Because we’re adults and we have a sense of fucking humor.

-Mat Nastos, Just Stories

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Mat Nastos
TV, Film, comic book, fantasy & steampunk writer/director, known best for bad horror movies about giant scorpions, killer pigs & dinosaurs in the sewers. You can find his work on Smashwords or at his Amazon Author Page.

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