Stunt Boobs – not the actual boobs.
I really just wanted to write that title. Sort of makes me feel like I’ve got my own Hardy Boys style mystery novel.
Last night at a bit after midnight I heard the DING of a text message come across my phone. Already already tucked in for the evening, I just sort of half looked at my phone. I saw a name of a passing acquaintance displayed in my alerts – since it wasn’t my kids or family, I just ignored it, figuring I’d deal with it in the morning.
When I awoke, I grabbed my iPhone and swiped open the message. I was greeted by a pair of rather magnificent, and incredibly naked, breasts on my screen. I stared at them for a moment, a little intrigued, possibly a touch aroused, but mostly confused.
Now, in the past, I will admit to having been the recipient of the random nude and/or sexy photo. I mean, I’m sure we all have. If you’re involved with someone they are bound to happen. I’ve never sent one because, truthfully, no one needs to see that. This was my first completely random and unexpected boob picture.
The person I had received them from was someone I’d had a few text conversations and a phone call with in the past. Nothing sexy or even flirty. She was someone I’d met and exchanged numbers with but that was it. In other words, not someone I’d have expected such a picture from. And, just because I feel like it should be pointed out again, the breasts were glorious…truth be told, if they were mine, I’d be sending everyone pictures just to show off.
In my mind, getting pictures of naked breasts on my phone warranted a response of some sort. It was only polite, and I am nothing if not polite. I answered the full bosom photo with a short text that said “If those are yours…bravo.” I feel like that may not have been the best response, but I was only 50% awake (and 75% erect) at the time.
The woman responded “Yes they are. I’m not the same person I was last night. I was angry at my ex. You’re welcome.” And that was it.
To that I answered “If I want to make someone angry, I just sleep with them.”
The woman with the fantastic boobs then let me know that it wasn’t a joke.
I shouldn’t have said anything. What I did say was “It’s note a joke NOW, but it will be when I tell people LATER.”
Is it strange that I feel just a little used? I was just lying in bed when out of the blue someone rubs their breasts in my face and then tells me to leave them alone. I may be acting too sensitive, but the only way to find out is to have more people send me breast pics. My cell number is…